Giving Myself to Ashes
by jetxblackxnewxyear
Summary: Abby angst. One Chapter. It's sad guys!


Authors Notes: Not a happy fic. Sorry guys  
  
Disclaimer: I don't own anything. The song in the fic is called "Short Stories with Tragic Endings" by From Autumn to Ashes, which I also don't own. This story isn't perfect with accuracy but I tried to make it as best I could.  
  
It's my first fic, so please... be gentle. I'm sorry if I offended/upset/hurt anyone.  
  
Abby climbed the stairs up to her lonely, cold apartment. Nursing and med school was beginning to get the best of her. Exhaustion constantly written across her face, and sorrow painted her insides.  
  
Turning the key into the lock, she pushed open the door. The smell of stale cigerrates plagued the apartment. Sitting down the couch, she lit another cigeratte to add to the aeroma. Taking drags, and ashing it every so often, she finally relaxed. After finishing, she got up and made her way into the bathroom.  
  
She studied the lines of her face. Circles around her eyes, her hair was tossed into a sloppy pony tail. A blonde pony tail. Carter always had a thing for blondes. She laughed at herself. She was so ridiculous. Between her face, making her look like she hadn't slept in months, and her thin frame for not eating, she looked like she felt.  
  
Looking back at her relfection, Abby suddenly became disgusted. 'Look at yourself,' she thought. 'Letting yourself be this stupid, cold hearted person. Never allowing room for change in your life, staying in your miserable mind set. You never had a reason to change. Until him, until Carter. You couldn't even try for him, could you?'  
  
'Now look where he is.' Her thoughts continued to lecture her, a nightly rutein for her now. 'Off with some other woman, having a child. She's beautiful. And look at you. You're nothing, you're worthless. You can't do anything good, can you? You couldn't help Eric, you couldn't help Maggie. And where were you when Carter needed you? Off helping your fucking brother. You were a wonderful girlfriend, weren't you? You deserved everything you got.'  
  
As she continued to look, her own face looked like a monster. Abby's rage got the best of her, and she slammed her fist into the mirror, shattering it completely. Pieces of glass fell everywhere, and blood smeared all over her left wrist, and forearm. Suddenly she thought. 'What a good idea.'  
  
Picking up a piece of stray place, she became to slice up and down her arms. Being sure to cause as much damage as possible, she cut vertically, from her wrist to her elbo, causing blood to seep out of her skin. And not just the insides, anywhere there was flesh, Abby immediately sliced it open as fast and as deep as possible. Then, she moved to her legs. Not bothering to remove her pants, she just drug the glass across her legs, not caring about anything but how liberating it felt. Tears rolling down her face blurring her vision, blood streaming from her arms and legs. Lifting her shirt, she sliced all over her stomach and hips. Every time he hugged her around the waist, every memory of his touch, was sliced away by the beligurence of the glass piece.  
  
'you deserve this. You deserve every ounce of pain you feel. You're not strong, you're weak. Just keep cutting. Keep going.' Abby dropped the glass, and walked into the kitchen, grabbing a bottle of wine she kept in the fridge. Opening the seal, she took a quick swig. The alcohol filled her mouth, and half of her wanted to spit it out, to fight. But the other half took her and she swallowed it long and hard. Walking into her bed room, she grabbed the bottle of valium next to her bed. After consuming most of the bottle, she washed it all down with her bottle of wine. Collapsing into her bed, she cried, and consumed as much wine she could before passing out. Soon, the apartment was still. No sound was made, not even breath. It was all over.  
  
"Did you ever look, did you ever see that one person  
  
and the subtle way that they do these things and it hurts so much?  
  
So much like choking down the embers of a great blaze.  
  
It's that moment when your eyes seem to spread aspersions  
  
and to scream confessions at the insipid sky parting clouds.  
  
And you let this one person come down, come down.  
  
I cherish you...I cherish you.  
  
Just say you would do the same for me.  
  
Just say you would do the same for me.  
  
Say you would do the same...  
  
Just say you would do the same for me.  
  
For as much as I love Autumn,  
  
I'm giving myself to Ashes."  
  
Next Day –  
  
"Hey guys!" carter walked into the ER with a smile on his face. However, he was not greeted with the same expression. "Wow...who died?" he said, trying to lighten the mood. As soon as the words escaped his lips, he saw tears roll down Sam Taggard's face. Shaking her head, she walked past him and into the lounge. It was then, Dr. Weaver came forward.  
  
"Abby did, Carter." She said, gently. He felt himself break into sweat, and become pale.  
  
"What happened?" he said, trying to catch his breath.  
  
"She had a rounds at 6 AM. She didn't show. It got to be 9, and it's unlike Abby to not be here. I called Susan, and asked her to stop by Abby's on her way to work, and see if everything was okay and what was going on. When Susan got there... the door was unlocked. Uh...this isn't easy to say, but Abby commited suicide last night."  
  
For the first time in a long time, Carter didn't know what to do, or what to say. Instead, he didn't say anything. He went into the lounge, and removed his things from his locker. 'I should have never come back.' He slammed the locker shut, and walked out, leaving it all behind. 


End file.
